I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think my moral compass just broke
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