I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
