What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
