The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
