i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
