sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
