the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
