his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
