did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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