theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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