My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
