she looked like the bat from fern gully.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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