a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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