Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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