I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
