and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
