it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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