My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
