Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
