Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
