Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize