you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
someone owes me an orgasm
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
