Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
