ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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