LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
