I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Randomize
