My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
