After last night, I could never be a politician.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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