it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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