Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
