Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
