my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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