I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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