ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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