The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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