Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
