she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
