have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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