my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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