I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
