Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
