She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
