So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
