I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Text me some of your sweat
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