i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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