That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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