i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
