you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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