I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
