any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
