woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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