So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
