remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
