So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
