Ambien. No doubt about it.
I have demons in me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
