Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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