Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
