Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
