I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize