Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
