I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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