This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize