I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
