it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
