i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
