Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
