what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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