You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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