I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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