I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
