I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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