This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
