My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I AM VODKA MAN
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
