We're like a lot better than the average bears
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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