This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
