Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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