I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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