Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
its liver damage thursday
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
